very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
