he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
