Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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