And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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