You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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