thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize