At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
