Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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