Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
