My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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