I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
