I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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