we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
