If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
