im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize