did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
