I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
