I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
