i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
