you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
