I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Randomize
