I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel like death gave me a hand job
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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