Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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