Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My life is pants optional.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
