highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
