batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
