Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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