Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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