get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Your penis caused this!
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