I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
