My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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