I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
