just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My vagina is officially offended.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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