My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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