I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
birth control should be required to get into college
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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