help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just google imaged poop.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
