I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize