You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
