My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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