I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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