I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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