Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
