Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
