At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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