Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
