would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My pussy is not your playground.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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