Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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