so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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