I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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