The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
