if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Can vaginas get frostbite?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
