In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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