I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
