I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
