Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i think i just lost a toe
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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