i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
