I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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