I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
