Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He passed out mid-signature
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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