I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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