i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
