I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
