3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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