I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
