So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
