great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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