she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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