I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
